Mano a Mano

I was just reading a question on the swinging website asked by (presumably) a woman about what men get out of being done in the butt.  It's a fair question because a guy giving up his backside might not make a lot of sense to some people.  I responded by saying that, if nothing else, it answers an ages-old question for men:  What does it feel like to be fucked?  I went on to say that we (guys) ask women this question and the short answer is, "It feels good."

Well, there's the answer!  There's really no other reason to do it other than it feels good, right?  Well, not really; there's also a lot of emotional stuff going on about this as well.  People mostly think of this as something gay men do - and they'd be right - but more guys are finding out that you don't have to be gay to like it and, more important, getting poked in the butt doesn't make you gay.  A responder said that for some men, the pleasure is in being taken by another man and used for his pleasure - this is true.  One of my site buddies, as expected, threw his five cents worth into the discussion and shared (as he always does) his position on it from a submissive's point of view and he's well-versed on the subject.

I added that there's the sheer, wicked delight in doing something you've been told never to do.  Indeed, there's an element of fear involved for the first-timer - we've all heard of how much it can hurt - but, for some, that fear is actually a source of excitement.  It's also something some men do to "prove" that they're men and I'd have to say that it does take some balls to let another man shove his cock into your butt, given that a lot of guys associate this act with the lack of masculinity and things that happen in prison that aren't very nice.

For men who know a little something about this, we gain an understanding of why women can only say that it feels good.  We find that there are a lot of intangible things going through our minds while it's happening, things there are no real words for and the simplest way to answer a complex question is to say that it feels good.  Yeah, depending on the size of the guy in you, it can be a lot of fun and quite pleasurable... and it could make you wonder what the hell you were thinking about by agreeing to do it.

When you get two horny guys together and sex happens, well, someone getting back-doored is almost a no-brainer, given that we've got this imperative to stick our cocks into something and, if it's not a mouth, well, it's not like there's another option for placement as there is with women, right?  To that end, the psychology of it is kinda self-explanatory if not a bit complex on an individual basis.

How does it make you feel?  Well, it's hard to put into words.  I know my first experience with it was both very scary and, yet, somehow calming and almost peaceful.  I can remember thinking, "Hey, this feels kinda good!" but if there were any deeper thoughts about taking place, I can't remember any of them or make sense of my initial thoughts.  I do remember that when the guy shot his load, I did think, "Wow, that feels interesting!"  You kinda get an instinctual understanding of what's going on, something that's primal in nature and it just clicks in your head that despite being told not to do it, there's actually not a whole lot wrong with it.

Of course, it all depends on how you're feeling at the moment, too.  Being on the receiving end of it and you're really not feeling it for some reason isn't a good thing; it gets you into that "bad" position of starting something you can't finish and, really, it takes all of the fun out of it and can even cause you to rethink having sex like that.  It doesn't take you long to figure out that if you're going to be the receiver, wanting to be that guy is a good thing.

I think it makes a difference in when you experience it, too.  If you're an adult and going for it for the first time, well, there's a whole lot of stuff running around in your head that might make the experience less pleasurable than expected; those same thoughts can also make one change their mind at the last moment, too.  Getting introduced when young, well, there's a lot less to think about, mostly along the lines of mom and/or dad telling us to not do it - there's not a lot of prejudicial thinking going on as could take place in the adult mind.

I know I came to see it as both being fun and just part of the deal when it's two guys, a give and take, as it were.  Indeed, amongst the horny dudes I hung out with, if you did it to them, you were expected and required to have it done to you and without exception - that's just the way it was.  Like I said, if you learned anything, you learned not to start or agree to something you can't or don't want to finish.  Doing it to someone and then not returning the favor was very bad and you could find yourself excluded from any future fun and, depending on the group you hung out with, you might even get beat up or, worse, find yourself getting gang-banged.

At early ages, you can look at such things as boys being boys for the most part.  I suppose it all becomes questionable once you get older and start to see the social and moral implications and how the angst about this can have a negative impact on your life.  At some point, yeah, you do get around to questioning your sexuality, beginning with the words, "Am I gay?"  If you're, say, 40, and thinking about going for it, you may ask yourself that question before the fact and because you want to try it.  And, really, it's not about being gay or not; it's simply just another way to have sexual pleasure.

At some point - and depending on how your head is screwed on - you come to realize that it's not really a matter of one's sexuality, more so when you know there are "straight" guys who'll do it to another guy and swear to God that they are still straight - and they probably are.  If nothing else, it's just convenient, that's all and if you wanna chalk it up to one of those "heat of the moment" things, okay, if that's what works for you.

Do you have to have your head on "the right way" to be on the receiving end?  Yeah, if doing so isn't second nature to you.  We all know about the stigma attached to this act and, yeah, some of it's pretty damned scary when you factor HIV/AIDS into the equation.  Back in the day, all you had to worry about was (1) getting caught, (2) being labeled as being a faggot or, (3), wind up getting a dose of the clap or even syphilis.  None of these things were good; the first two could get your ass whupped, the last gets you stuck in the ass with a needle and, oh, yeah, having to explain how you got it.

Yet, despite any of this, guys still do it to other guys in the butt, don't they?  If sex amongst men is simply about pleasing and being pleased, well, getting humped is just par for the course.  And, yeah, having a guy tell you how good you made him feel is rather pleasing in itself and, really, no different than sharing that sentiment with a woman.  It is, like anything else sexual, a matter of personal preference; some guys would rather not be penetrated but find pleasure in just having the other guy poking around back there and feeling him cut loose between the cheeks.  It can invoke all sorts of unexplainable feelings, both good and bad; it can answer questions or even cause more to be asked; but, really, the only reason to have a man's cock in your ass is because it just feels good to ya.

Anticipation

Well, we now have 95 days before we set sail on our cruise and the anticipation is growing!  While everything hasn't gone precisely the way we planned it, there are only a couple of things left to do and I'm getting quite itchy.  For me, the fun is in getting there more than doing whatever once we're there.  The logistics are a pain in the ass - but it can also be a lot of fun when you're working something and times have to be closely watched.

I'm still pissed with the airlines and their flights to Miami!  They have hundreds of flights going there... but only two (that we saw) that gets us there when we want and need to be there - WTF?  I suppose that if we could fly in the night before, there'd be a ton of direct flights suitable for our needs.  Traveling on a budget is a lot harder in this regard; we could have gotten juicy prices for our airline tickets IF we could get there the night before...

What's funny about this is we looked at alternative modes of travel and found that we made out better biting the bullet on the fares we paid; taking the train, which would have gotten us there the night before, turned out to be much more expensive than flying; just getting a compartment cost more than their plane ticket - and that's an additional cost on top of what it cost to get a seat on the train!  We thought about taking the bus - threw that one out quickly; we even considered renting a nice car and driving down but when you think of the associated costs, well, when you have X-amount of money to spend on this, it becomes wishful thinking.

That plus I thought about the 20-something hours it would take to drive there... then we'd have to drive back.  Oh, hell no!  Easier and cheaper to fly, if you can believe that.  We happen to live relatively close to several airports:  Philadelphia (PHL), Baltimore (BWI), and Atlantic City (ACY).  We could have gone to Washington (DCA) or even into Virginia to fly out of Dulles (IAD) - but...

The logistics and costs to fly out of anywhere other than BWI is mind-boggling.  In all the years I've been flying, I've never understood why it's cheaper to fly out of BWI than it is PHL.  We toyed with the idea of flying out of ACY on Spirit or AirTran... except Spirit doesn't go to Miami and the price to fly on AirTran for one person was more than what we paid American for both tickets!  That crap Southwest talks about their low fares?  How about they only go to Fort Lauderdale (FLL) - and the tickets would have cost almost $400 more than what we paid!  I saw the other day that we could fly out of New York (LGA) for about $198... but why drive all the way to New York and then have the plane fly right by where you started from?  Something about that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Then there was the flight that blew my mind:  It started at BWI, then went to ATL - then from there to LGA and then to MIA!  I couldn't believe what I was seeing!  Now, I know that connecting flights tend to take the scenic route but damn!  Whoever planned that route was smoking some serious rock!  All I could do was sit here and stare at the screen in utter disbelief; the funny thing about it was that if we were stupid enough to take this flight, it would have gotten us to MIA within the window required... for an equally stupid price, almost $600 per person.  Once upon a time, the cheapest flight you could get was the one that bounced you all over the country first - not anymore!

We had to think about getting to BWI a lot and whether either of us would want to be driving at 3AM, especially when our Jeep needs some work done to it.  The last time we drove to the airport, well, it was a fiasco - my fault, mostly for taking us to the wrong parking facility.  It was all good but just being up that time in the morning, braving the cold weather and the parking lot drama took some of the fun out of the trip - so we decided to take the airport shuttle and leave the driving to them.  It's not cheap but we figured that with what it would cost in tolls and parking fees, fuel and the possibility of breaking down along the way, it was cheaper to take the shuttle.

Besides, if they make us late getting to the airport, we can ream their asses until the cows come home...

We still haven't decided if we're going to take separate bags or one big bag for the both of us; American's baggage fees are on par with the other major airlines and will cost us an extra $100 if we each take a bag - or possibly more if we take one big bag; I'm leaning toward separate bags myself but we still have some time to work on that one.  This will be the first trip I've taken without my laptop and it makes me feel kinda naked - but getting through airport security will be less of a hassle if I leave it - and its gear - safely at home.  I travel with it in its own backpack and contains everything I need, including the software to fix it if necessary.  It's a bitch to pack, only to get to the airport and have to unpack it to be scanned and, well, it'll be rough - if nothing else, it has everything I need to keep me occupied, from games to music to movies.  The only "problem" with not taking it is that I'll have my camera with me and if I manage to run out of the 4GB of memory in the camera, I won't have the computer to unload the pics - but I'll also have a ton of smaller memory cards so I'm covered.

Oh, man, the logistics are really a nightmare but they're also a lot of fun to work through.  We talk about cruising, traveling together - Linda is fun to travel with - and our minds are a-whirl with all the things to do once we get on board the ship, let alone the sites we'll see at the ports of call.  Hell, we haven't even gone on this cruise and we're already looking at some cruises for next year!

Cruising is some expensive shit; the various lines will nickel and dime you to death - but it's up to you to get the full value from the dollars you'll spend doing this.  I still remember my very first cruise and what it cost me - one of the most expensive things I've ever done short of buying a house.  I spent several thousand dollars... and it was worth every penny of it and, yeah, even all the hassles of getting the logistics to line up correctly.  It's contagious; you take one cruise and you wanna do it again!  After my 10-day cruise of Hawaii, I can't make any sense out of taking a cruise for just three days; you're just starting to have fun and then it's time to go home.  So, we've been looking at future cruises of 5-10 days and, yeah, it ain't gonna be cheap or even easy to plan for - but it'll be fun!

T-minus 95 days and counting... and all systems are go!

The Male Bisexual

When I think about this, it kinda makes me want to bang my head against the closest wall.  There was a time when I thought accepting the things I'd done was difficult, then accepting my sexuality, although I kinda see where maybe I should have done the latter first, then the former - might have been easier - but that ain't how it happened.  It was one of those rare effect and cause situation, you know, when you do something and then think about what made you do it.

I thought that dealing with my thoughts about being bisexual was bothersome, just as playing the waiting game for the right guy to come along.  No, the biggest problem is now deciding what exactly does being bisexual means to me right at this moment.  The answer is:  I don't know.

I went to the site I belong to for things bisexual... and almost immediately saw a lot of the same old thing, guys hitting me up after only being online for a few minutes, asking if and when a hook-up can be arranged.  It made me ask myself if something I once thought was special and different had now become as commonplace as cell phones:  Has being bisexual lost its meaning for me?

On the one hand, it pleases me to see so many diverse men embrace this in whatever way they do; just the same, it makes me sad to see it become almost commercial and a thing to do more than a way to be.  I no longer see the flexibility in thinking I learned so long ago; all that seems to remain is the hunger for cock and ass.  Gone is the selectivity, the meeting of minds, not as much to determine compatibility but that sense of belonging to something different.

Being bisexual is more than just the sex; as I've said to others, it's not just a thing to do, it's a state of mind as well.  Duality of action and of thought, an ability to clearly see both sides of something and then being able to follow it to whatever logical conclusion it comes to... or not.  It's about defying the standard definition; it's about making it mean what YOU want it to mean - but the "problem" becomes one of scattered ways of thinking and acting upon this, the whole sheet of glass becoming fractured to the point where trying to figure out where all the pieces fit becomes more and more difficult - and discovering where your piece fits is almost impossible.

It's not about being comfortable doing something bisexual; it's about being comfortable knowing that you are bisexual and that, if you choose or like, can do a thing:  It's not the thing, it's the thoughts and feelings driving it... and I wonder now where all of this has gone in the 21st century.  I see and hear of so many men who are loathe to admit to being bisexual, choosing to adopt a more "manly" word for it, like heteroflexible, whatever the fuck that means.  It's become such a conditional thing to do now; even in the near past, all it took was two guys coming together and deciding, right on the spot, that this is what they wanted to do (all necessary precautions taken beforehand, of course); now men have to have all the planets and stars lined up in just the precise way before they'll even consider it - what happened to doing it simply because you could and having fun because you can?

Male bisexuals still hide in closets of their own making, fearing the stigma that comes along with this sexual preference.  And, really, the "problems" associated with being a bisexual man are plentiful and, in a lot of cases, undeserved; people tend to think that if one bisexual man is promiscuous and disease-ridden, they all are - a horny, indiscriminate Typhoid Manny, if you will.

Some think that being bisexual is not being manly - and that's bullshit.  If you care to think of it, it takes a man to have sex with another man - the brass balls we're all alleged to have.  While the sex a bisexual man can have is, in fact, purely homosexual, it's never about the act - again, it's the thoughts and feelings that drive it.  The fact that you'd just as easily have sex with a woman should make anything a man does with another man something to not worry about or, simply, if you still love pussy, you ain't homosexual by any means.

I hear men always saying, "I don't like men like that!"  As I've probably said, who said you had to or are supposed to?  I know I don't - I never did with one exception that's never reoccurred.  But it's seen to be some kind of unmanly requirement when, in fact, all you have to do is "like" the guy enough to play with him.  I mean, you'd trust a guy to borrow your car... but you wouldn't trust him to suck you off?

Yeah, there are reasons to deny yourself the pleasure - it's still a matter of individual choice and preference.  But to deny it because you don't like men like you do women?  What the fuck?  You're not supposed to!  Sure, you can - and there are bisexual men who do, indeed, like men as the they like women; doesn't mean you have to go that route yourself, does it?

I don't know what men think at times - and I'm a man.  Cock-sucking isn't just a woman's domain; women aren't the only people who can be fucked in the ass either.  So, in an ideal situation, uh, what's wrong with doing that with another guy?  I hear men all over the place going, "Oh, hell no!  I don't like men like that!"

Gimme a break...

I know men are scared to death of that ass thing and for a lot of men, that's a one-way street.  What strikes me as funny is that those same men have no idea what it's like; doing it to someone else ain't the same as having it done to you.  Oh, and, yeah - you don't have to have it done to you if you don't want to.  But a lot of men feel that this is part and parcel of being a bisexual man and it is, just as things are with women, optional.

I talk to a lot of bisexual men and we almost all agree that the problem with being bisexual isn't us - it's everyone else.  Even those men who are like us make themselves either unavailable or present themselves in a way that's a straight turn-off, like the thugs I tend to run into on the site I belong to.  I just cannot get my head around their mentality, that rough and tough bullshit the thug life represents and, to me, a thug who's into sucking cock is only trying to make himself appear more manly when that's not even necessary.  If you're going to step to me and ask for my cock and/or ass, do it like a real man because that tough-guy shit just doesn't fly with me... or anyone else I know.

Maybe I've now become disillusioned because the changes I've seen in the attitude of some bisexual men have now deviated greatly from that which I've always understood?  Have I failed to adjust to the changing times, holding on to something that's no longer applicable or needed?

Do I no longer know what it's like to be bisexual?

I see and know women who would readily straddle the fence - and simply because it's a pleasure for them that doesn't have to involve a man and his whacked thinking about sex.  And while you'd think more men would straddle the fence as well - if only to get away from the way women think about sex in that insane way of theirs, uh, you don't see that happening ; if all you want to do is get your rocks off without all the emotional drama women can bring to the bed, then why not do it with another guy who just might feel the same way as you do.  Fuck all that romance shit and begging and pleading for their affections; with most men, you just agree on whatever, strip down, and go for it, get off, thank each other, and go on about your business.  Does it get any more manly than that?

I'm beginning to think not... and I'm not sure why.  I'm not "giving up" on my sexuality because, unlike a lot of men, it's as much a part of me as breathing... but I'm "disturbed."  Maybe the bisexual man as I know him has become a thing of the past...

Hello!

Well, hi there, Blogspot! A friend of mine said I should come check out your site - so here I am!